take this indulgence

I never wrote love poems

only letters broken into disjointed stanzas

indulgent strings of emotion unraveling

**&** how does one not notice

in this world of flesh & teeth

they always seem out of style

 

we were a religion

something to track & trace & adore

like the stars

& scripture & horoscopes & commandments

the rite and ritual

& cigarettes after sex

never tasted so good

 

i could feel the future on your skin

now I know

that every single word we utter brings us closer to the last one we’ll ever say

our blood still haunts the sheets

i can’t take it

i don’t want to do what everyone does

sit in the wreckage of our decisions

have another three drinks

finish my half-smoked American Spirit

& move on to another fear & flirt & fuck

 

hope is my drug

a black lake to drown in, so

take these indictments of us

take these insinuations of finality

take this indulgence

as a gentle reminder, as routine,  as reward

count the regrets

& the hopes

against the reality

roll in that dog shit

creating sad little houses

that’s the only way

we know how to love

 

then again

we learned one another by heart

and i have to believe there is no end to what we may learn still

 

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